Bath Time

It's summertime.  We wake up early and stay up late.  We're all tired and ornery.  We've said "to heck" with our schedule.  By 6 o'clock in the evening the kids have hit the wall and I'm ready to hit something besides the wall or someone.  And yet at that very dreaded time of day, I, as the responsible party, am obligated to make one of the hardest decisions of my day.  My little dirt covered monsters come staggering through the house looking somewhat homeless.  We're all tired.  It's been a long day.  Is a bath really necessary?  This is when you should consult the checklist.

"Do They Really Need a Bath Today?" Checklist:

1. Can they pass inspection with a spot cleaning? 

2. How long has it been since their last bath?

3. Did they swim or play in the water today?

4. Will they swim or play in the water tomorrow?

5. How close do you have to get to them before you can smell them?

6. Is there sand or dirt in their hair?

7. Have dreadlocks started to form in their hair yet?

8. Are the bottom of their feet a different color than their skin?

9. How noticeable is the dirt caked under their fingernails & would it be inappropriate to make them wear gloves in August?

10. Will I survive if I have to wrestle them in the tub tonight?

11. Will they survive if I have to wrestle them in the tub tonight?

Oh, bath time, how I dread and loath you!  I have always dreaded bath time with my kids.  Back in the good old days I could throw all four of them in the tub together and create a system of wetting, shampooing, lathering, etc. moving from left to right.  I was incredible!  But then the day came when the girls and boys discovered that they had different parts.  Time to separate.  Now the girls shower and the boys bathe.  And although it has gotten easier there is still drama.  About 5 minutes after the girls have headed to the shower I sit waiting for their cries for help because it's well known that they will knock the sliding shower door off it's track.  By the time I rescue them I am sure to find a naked girl, standing under a pelting shower of water holding the door up to prevent a flood.  It's sad and entertaining all at the same time.  Then there is the matter of bathing the boys.  I can never get the water temperature right.  It's too hot.  It's too cold.  It's too deep.  It's not full enough.  Someone is laying down.  Someone is splashing.  It's just a sad, sad moment in time.  And by the time it's over the victims of the splashing and fighting are the bathroom floor and me.  Like I said, sad moment. 

So with our crazy busy summertime schedule, or rather, lack of schedule, I've concluded that we should skip bath time all together.  My kids don't need a bath.  They swim.  They run through the sprinklers.  Same thing.  They're fine!