My New Must Have

This is a genius idea started by my very own Mojito and another amazing woman who I will call Shaw.  Together they are changing the world of accessories in a most clever way.  This is seriously worth checking out.  And because I am sitting here wiping tears due to the fact that I will be 6 long hours away from the action during the totally rad Miss Plunkett Grand Opening, I'm doing my part to spread the word.  Hopefully Ms. Mojito & General Shaw don't mind.  And if they do, maybe they'll forgive me if this shout out gets Miss Plunkett some sales.  So if you're anywhere near Southern Utah tomorrow night....be there or be square.  And if you're much like myself and far far away, check out the website and pick out your favs.  Some of you will be getting these treasures from me for Christmas.  After all, this loveliness is the new "must have".  Enjoy!

Dew Diaries 3

Sunday

No Dew today.  (clap, clap, clap)  Well done, Me.

Monday

Went and picked apples with Sister and Mom.  I love that at 30 I still feel young enough to climb trees and reach for those big juicy apples that are out of my reach.  So fun and luckily there was no falling.  As we picked apples I declared that I was off of pop.  No more soda for me.  Sister says I'm crazy.  Either way, I stuck to my guns even when Mom and Sister made plans to hit Sonic for an ice cold drink.  Yeah, Me.  Another Dewless day under my belt.

Tuesday

After breakfast I got most of the kids off to school.  Hall Monitor and I went up to the University to meet with a team of therapists to discuss her bad and extremely finicky eating habits.  Ranger came along with us and watched and listened nearly bored out of his mind.  It was a great meeting and we learned and accomplished a lot.  Hall Monitor was very proud of herself and tasted turkey and Mac 'n Cheese for the first time.  We were all so proud.  On our way home from the University we stopped at a grocery store to buy something new for Ms. Hall Monitor to try for lunch.  After making our rounds up and down the grocery aisles we found ourselves at the ever so common dead end of, "I'm not ready to try that.  But look!  The Doritos are on sale!"  So frustrating for me as a parent.  How do people manage?  After so much progress I just wanna scream.  But no, I will refrain.  I'll find another way to cope. 

Oops!  How did this large Mt. Dew end up in my hand?  Why is it following me to my car and getting all cozy in my cup holder?  Crazy!  Oh well.  Delicious non the less.  And since I pride myself on not being wasteful.....

Wednesday

Woke up with good intentions of sticking to my Crystal Light.  It's good stuff and can't be nearly as bad for me as soda.  Now I've just gotta get some chores done.  My girlfriend, Crystal, can help me through.  That's what friends are for, right?  Oh wait.  Chore #1.....Pay bills.  Oh well.  It's all good.  That's why Bill Pay is so magical.  What the....?  Things aren't balancing quite like I had planned!!!  Not good!  Not good at all!  WTH, Bill Pay!  You're obviously not magical enough to fix my problem.  Ba-bye!  And as for you, Crystal, don't let the door hit ya in the butt.  I feel my Stress-O-Meter rising.  Healthy just aint cuttin' it.  These crazy economic times are hard on the wallet and even harder on the Dew-diction.  Maybe tomorrow.

PS--Whoever's idea it was to fill the punch bowl with Halloween candy, know that you're seriously contributing to my problem.  Thanks for nuthin'.

Homecoming

Homecoming was a big time when I was in high school.  The dance, football game, etc.  However, my first Homecoming was nothing short of awkward.

I was a Sophomore.  I got asked to the Homecoming Dance by a guy who was a Junior.  He was nice.  Very shy.  I had never had a conversation with him before and still to this day have no idea why he asked me out.  But it was my first date so I was excited.  Besides, Homecoming meant I got to get all dressed up in a pretty dress with fancy hair and jewelry.  What girl doesn't wanna do that?   

My date picked me up sometime that Saturday afternoon.  We went swimming at a local hot springs.  I wore my best swimsuit and rocked that forest green gingham one-piece like it was nobody's business.  My date and I chilled in the pool with the other couples we were with.  As our little posse hopped out of the pool and headed for the water slide my date and I tagged along.  Within 10 steps of leaving the pool....WHAM!  I was down!  WTH?  Did I just fall flat on my back in a forest green checkered swimsuit on my first date?  Whatevs.  I bounced up quickly and acted cool.  I'm sure nobody noticed.  Ummmm...DUH!  How do you hide that?  Either way, the water slide was calling.

After returning home from swimming I cleaned up and got ready for the dance that night.  I wore my sister's hand-me-down forest green velvet dress.  (It seems as if forest green was a theme here.)  I curled my hair and did it up.  By the time my date arrived I was ready to roll.  From my house we went to dinner where I ordered a steak.  I was sure that my date would appreciate that I was a good eater.  I wasn't one of those "anorexic salad girls".  But to my disappointment my steak was still mooing when they brough it to me.  Being too shy to speak up and send it back to be cooked, I picked around it and ate what I could.  When we were finished eating we headed for the dance at our high school.  My date didn't talk much.  Neither did I.  Awkward.

From the dance, my date and I, along with the other couples we were with, went to someone's house to watch a movie.  Oddly enough this was my least favorite part of the date.  I had just eaten a steak.  I had just eaten vegetables.  I had just downed a soda.  I had just danced for an hour.  My stomach was digesting in a very loud and un-lady-like manner.  My forest green dress was tight.  How do I watch and enjoy this movie?  I was surrounded by people I didn't know and a date that didn't speak and all I really cared about was how hard I had to concentrate to not fart.   

Several days after the dance I heard that my Homecoming date had felt much the same as I had.  Apparently he hadn't had a very good time.  I don't know why.  I entertained him with comedy at the swimming pool.  Then I wasted a good $13 worth of steak at dinner.  And then I flattered him with conversation for the remainder of the night. 

Happy Homecoming!  These moments in time are exciting, horrible, and life altering.  I haven't been able to look at forest green gingham since that splendid Homecoming that was my first.

Dear New Guy

Dear New Guy,

It's been over 10 years now since I trained you as a new CNA at the hospital.  But that makes this apology even that much more embarrassing.  I remember that 12 hour shift vividly.  You were a single college student new to the hospital practices of taking vitals, wiping butts, and changing sheets.  I was newly married, 45 pounds overweight, and 7 months pregnant with my first child.  We were working together in ICU that day and had just entered the first room to the right of the nurse's station.  As we discussed what our plan of attack on our patient would be and conveyed those plans to our unsuspecting prisoner, I bent over to do something.  Much to my dismay I passed gas.  It wasn't much.  Just a little pop.  I straightened up wondering if anyone else had noticed my accident, and then in an attempt to cover my tracks explained that my hip had popped.  "It's a chronic problem of mine," I explained.  "My left hip pops frequently without notice.  Sometimes it sounds like something it isn't, which is the case right now."  You, being the New Guy, didn't argue with my story although being a conscious human with ears and a brain I'm sure you knew better.  All these years I've remembered that day with both embarrassment and humor.  After all, when you're overweight and carrying a basketball in your stomach, you're thrilled when a fart is the only thing that squeezes by unexpectedly.  But being the honest woman that I am, I will admit that I fabricated the story of my hip popping.  I did in fact pass gas.  And here I am years later apologizing for my bad manners and little white lie.  Please forgive me, New Guy.  It won't happen again.  And even if it did, I have four children that I'd blame it on now.  

Sincerely, 
Me 

Time I'll Never Get Back

I could accomplish so much more in a day if I didn't find ways to waste my time.  Sometimes I justify what would be called "wasted time" because I'm spending that time with my kids.  Any time with the monkies can't be considered wasted.  I might not be cooking.  I might not be cleaning.  I might not be playing Uno or helping with homework, but I'm snuggled with them watching a movie.  That's not the part that I consider wasted.  Yesterday, for the 500th time, I lost a small portion of my life watching High School Musical 2.  Don't get me wrong.  I can see the entertainment and fun behind all three HSM movies.  But, oh, for the love, Sharpay!  Just shoot me now!  And please bless that I will never in my life have to associate with a real live person who acts like that character! 

Gabriella, you're a pretty girl but not a very good actress.  Sorry.  I just call it like I see it. 

Troy, pull your pants up.  After you're done rolling around on the piano while singing to Gabriella, my daughter wants nothing more than to giggle at your undies.  I know you didn't show off your boxers intentionally, but it has really made for some interesting conversations between the monkies. 

And weird guy by the pool who got promoted from "Sharpay duty", where do I begin?  How much did they pay you to participate in the dance on the lounge chairs with the over sized pink fluffy balls?  That is something that you really should have reconsidered.  It's weird!  Especially for a guy.  What part of pointed toes, kicking legs, and pink fluffy balls sounded "cool" or "masculine" to you?

Nope.  I didn't make dinner last night.  We had toast.  Yes, homework got finished.  Yes, the kids all had baths.  No, the house was not clean and yes, there was a sink full of dirty dishes when we went to bed.  But before all of those things did or did not happen, I was privileged enough to suffer through one more day of HSM2 with my monkies.  Approximately 111 minutes of song and dance and nails on chalkboard fun. 

Dew Diaries 2

Thursday

Woke up early and went running.  The weather was a little chilly and it was crazy dark but my running partner and I had our trusty flashlights (one was on my cell phone) so we were safe and had a great time.  After the run I felt ambitious and proceeded with some squats, lunges and sit-ups.  Yeah, me!  After I got home, got the kiddos off to school and destinkafied I decided to reward myself.  Yup.  You guessed it.  Soda.  To be more specific, a Diet Coke.  Yes, I am a drink hussy.  I stepped out on my lover, but only for now.  I still love the Dew more than all others.  But Diet Coke has less calories.  A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.  And FYI, I'm not very good at this going cold turkey thing and I've already made a disaster out of this weeks attempt, so I think I'll wait and start my "no Dew" week next week.  Monday sounds good.  Until then....

My Peeps

Just wanted to give a shout out to all my peeps (and by "peeps" I mean girlfriends in a non-lesbianish way).  I don't know what I'd do without you.  Thank you for all those late night shopping trips to Target & Walmart;  for all those hours of Christmas shopping and using mannequin parts inappropriately; for all those Dews and DC's; for all those Girls Nights and Girls Trips; for all those pep talks; for all those phone chats, emails and texts; for all those birthday cards and gifts; for all those years of putting up with me, listening to me and still loving me; for all the car rides, book club get togethers, jokes and laughing; for all those miles we ran but really wanted to be home asleep or eating chocolate;  for all the times you've helped with my monkies; for hours of canning and trying to be domestic; for hours of church meetings, conferences, and lessons that I always seemed to ruin by being irreverent;  for trips to town for pedicures; for not judging my parenting skills even when you should have; for eating ice cream with me for breakfast; for free hot meals for no reason; for belly-aching laughter playing sports; for hanging out with me in high school; for EVERYTHING!  How does one survive without good girlfriends?  No offense, men.  You just don't always understand. 

Have you ever started crying because you didn't get to go to a candle party, jeans party, or any party?  Have you ever thrown a tantrum because your pants were too tight or your swim suit top too loose?  Have you ever thrown your hair brush at the mirror because your hair looked like a lesbian's?  Have you ever eaten Double Stuff Oreos by the sleeve just because you had a bad day?  Have you ever just wanted to vent without someone thinking you're crazy or trying to fix it?  These are the things that men don't get but that a good friend totally understands.  So here's to you, friends!  Cheers!  I'm toasting my Mt. Dew to you today!

Doh!

Day 1/Take 4 - Wednesday

Woke up to lots of zits.  Wait!  Rephrase....woke up to lots of tumors on my face.  Bucked up and ventured out into public anyway.  Got my hair trimmed.  Great haircut and hilarious company but huge mirror that magnified my zits.  Went and bought a Dew.

Diaries of a Dew-aholic

"Hi.  My name is Emily.  I'm a Dew-aholic."

That's right.  It's pathetic.  I realized I had a problem when I was talking to my brother on the phone the other day and he asked what I was doing.  I told him I was going to get a drink.  He said, "Kinda early to be hitting the sauce isn't it?"  I thought, what is he smoking?  Then I glanced at the clock.  9:30 AM.  Dang!  It felt much later than that.  At that moment I decided that I needed to make some changes and drink less soda.  Then I figured, why just drink less?  Go cold turkey.  So I did.  This is my drinking diary if you will.

Day 1 - Sunday

Woke up and went straight to church.  Awesome.  Just by going to church I knocked three hours out of my day.  Sweet!  This is going to be easier than I thought!  After church I took a nap.  Figured I might as well sleep it off so there wasn't as much temptation.  After nap time, I cooked dinner for our friends which not only consumed a lot of my time but was a nice distraction.  And before I knew it I was putting kids to bed and ready for bed myself.  Sheesh!  I made it through Day 1 like a rock star!  I'm da bomb!

Day 2 - Monday

Got up and ready for the day.  Sent the girls to school.  The boys started fighting.  Why?  Just love each other already!  What?  You're still fighting?  Please!  It's only getting worse.  Now they're throwing things and destroying my bedroom.  What happened next was tragic and totally unexpected.  I lost it!  I started yelling.  And not a pretty yell but the "ugly yell".  I got louder.  My voice started to crack.  I didn't even sound rational and I'm sure the expression on my face was nothing short of terrifying and hideous.  Am I really saying what I hear coming from my mouth?  I'm so embarrassed for myself.  And I'm yelling so loud!  Are the windows closed?  Son of a....window open!  Alert!  Alert!  

After I pulled myself together and the boys stopped laughing at me I decided to bake.  Mmmmm....dessert.  Sounds lovely.  And whaddayaknow?  Leftover Molten Chocolate Cake batter.  Surprise!  Double D!  Rather than drinking sugar I'll just eat it.  Three mini cakes later I wondered what was worse.  Caffeine?  Cakes?  (Notice the plural behind "cake"?  Sad.)  While I was enjoying my second cake the phone rang.  My sister!  Yeah!  We chatted for nearly an hour.  It was great fun and full of laughter.  Sure miss that girl.  Then I got depressed.  Then I went and bought a drink. 

Day 1/Take 2 - Tuesday

Decided to give "no caffeine" another try.  Sadly I didn't make it past noon.

Day 1/Take 3 - Wednesday

To be announced......

Molten Double D

Molten Chocolate Cakes With Sugar-Coated Raspberries

Servings: 8

Ingredients:

1 cup unsalted butter or margarine

8 oz semi-sweet chocolate chips, or bars, cut into bite size chunks

5 large eggs

1/2 cup sugar

pinch of salt

4 teaspoons flour (or matzo meal, ground in a blender to a fine powder)

8 extra-large paper muffin cups (or regular cups which makes about 12 cakes)

Garnish:

1 (6 oz) container raspberries, barely moistened and rolled in about 1/2 cup sugar right before serving

Directions:

1. Melt butter & chocolate in a medium heat-proof bowl over a saucepan of simmering water; remove from heat.  Beat eggs, sugar and salt with hand mixer in medium bowl until sugar dissolves.  Beat egg mixture into chocolate until smooth.  Beat in flour or matzo meal until just combined.  (Batter can be made a day ahead; return to room temperature an hour or so before baking.)

2. Before serving dinner, adjust oven rack to middle position; heat oven to 450 degrees.  Line a standard-size muffin tin (1/2 cup capacity) with 8 extra-large muffin papers (papers should extend above cups to facilitate removal).  Spray muffin papers with cooking spray.  Divide batter among muffin cups.

3. Bake until batter puffs but center is not set, 8-10 minutes.  Carefully lift cakes from tin and set on a work surface.  Pull papers away from cakes and transfer cakes to dessert plates.

4. Top each cake with sugared raspberries and serve immediately.  Can add whipped cream if desired.

FYI -- I ate 2 of these little beauties the first time I made them.  The second time I made them I ate 4.  And the third time I made them I ate 3.  Once again....don't judge.  I'm only human.  And self medication is not a crime.  Although I should've thought twice before making them 3 times in one week.  Wow!  9 molten cakes in seven days.  New record!

Where I've Been

Did you miss me?  I've been busy with the little ones.  We took a three week staycation to Uglyville.  Right before school started we caught an awful case of the Uglies.  It made the rounds between all the kiddos.  But after a lot of Ugliness, a lot of Clorox wipes, a lot of caffeine, a lot of laundry, and a lot of Tylenol our immunities were satisfied with their workout and decided to give a final farewell to the Uglies.  Until next time Mr. and Mrs.  Ugly.  And yes, I would marry you if I could, Clorox wipes.  You make my heart skip a beat.  Especially at 2 AM when someone throws up but forgets to lift the toilet seat. 

With school in session and the weather cooling down I can also say that my gardening and canning are bye-bye till next year.  With our first pick of corn we had our annual Corn Feast complete with our corn table cloth which my MIL so graciously bought me years ago at an Amish fabric store.  It's slightly pathetic how excited the kids get when I pull out the infamous table cloth.  It makes a simple dinner quirky & exciting.

The other night I hosted Book Club at my house.  "These Is My Words" by Nancy Turner is my fav book as of now.  It's magic.  To top off a fabulous Book Club I served Mini Molten Chocolate Cakes with Sugar-Coated Raspberries.  The recipe will be posted shortly.  They really are delish and such a nice change.  Did I mention that after my guests left I ate all the leftovers?  But after cake #4 I threw in the towel.  Don't judge.  

Also, let me just say, "Hi.  My name is Emily, and I'm a Dew-aholic." 

And last but not least, I have so many zits right now that I'm confident that if you squeezed my shoulders my entire face would explode.  What?  That was disgusting and inappropriate?  Well, at least you don't have to look at it everyday.  I feel like a ProActive commercial waiting to happen.  Move over, Julianne Hough and Jessica Simpson.  There's a new acne girl in town!