The Death of Pretty

Eleven years ago today I became a mom.  And as prepared as I thought I was for that adventure to begin, nothing fully prepared me for how that little girl would change my life.  Nothing.  Not nine months of pregnancy.  Not 50 pounds of weight gain.  Not months of heartburn and sleepless nights.  Not 13 hours of labor.  Not an hour and a half of pushing.  Not 7 pounds and 13 ounces of baby girl traumatizing my woman parts forever.  Not sore engorged porn star boobs the size of melons.  Nothing.

As my girls have grown and now my oldest is a tween and dealing with the influences of others and the outside world, I worry more and more about them.  Especially her.  My little Hall Monitor is constantly bombarded, like most girls, with comments about being ugly, fat, or stupid.  And like most girls, she starts to believe them.  It has always bothered me the effect society and the media has on women, their body image, their measure of self worth, and their self esteem.  It still amazes and aggravates me how even I, a 30-something-year-old mother of 5, still allows outside influences like commercials and magazines to make me question if I'm comfortable in my own skin and if I'm okay with the number on the scale and the size of my jeans.  If only I could wrap my little girls in their silky baby blankets and protect them from the harshness of life and being a girl.  And how it breaks my heart to hear them ask at such a young age, "Am I fat?"  Oh, how I wish for my daughters and women of all ages everywhere that they didn't have to deal with the distorted view that the world has on beauty.  And that's exactly what it is....distorted. 

My sister-in-law sent me this article that I LOVE.  I love it on so many levels but especially love that it was written by a man.  If only all men viewed being pretty as this writer does.  And in time and with some female influence, I think they can.  So in honor of my sweet daughter's  birthday today, I wanted to share this article because it is something that is so important to me and something that I want for my girls and for women everywhere to recognize and believe.  I'm hoping that with some help, the upcoming generation can revive the "pretty" in the world.



Happy Birthday, Ms. Hall Monitor.  You are truly beautiful.
Never forget it.

Signs of the Times

I'm getting old.  I know, I'm only in my early 30's, blah, blah, blah.  Well, truth is, 2 years ago a doctor told me I was showing signs of early menopause.  Menopause in my head equals old.  Well, maybe that's a bad choice of words.  How about mature?  Funny thing about my early menopause is it took a 9-month hiatus so I could get knocked up one more time.  Silly menopause!  Always playing tricks on me!  But seriously, I feel very "mature" for my age.  Not wise.  Not smart.  Not above laughing at and cracking inappropriate bathroom jokes.  Just "mature".  Let me explain.

1. I'm up all night with reflux if I eat too late at night.
2. I attended my first caucus last night.  (Lol...that's a funny word!)  And PS, it was an experience all in itself.  Mr. Handsome said I owe him big time for dragging him along.  I bought him some Double Stuff Oreos to smooth things over.  (wink, wink)
3. Last week I went to my oldest daughter's Maturation Program.  Wowza!  Not only did I win Mother of the Year for forgetting about it and walking in 30 minutes late, but I walked into a room of frightened tween girls who were staring at the illustrated picture of a va-j-j on the projector screen.  Yikes!  Just glad it was illustrated!
4. I have "mom" hair with some really wicked grown out roots.  And sadly, I don't care.
5. I drive a mini van.  And it's cool.
6. Hemorrhoids are a constant companion of mine.  So is my fiber supplement and my search for a good tasting high fiber cereal. 
7. I hide Tums around the house for convenience when I get heartburn.
8. I carry a tissue up my sleeve.
9. I tell my kids they can't use words like "sexy" and "shut-up".  I know!  They aren't bad words.  I just think there are better more respectful words in the English language.  And I vividly remember being told as a kid that I wasn't allowed to use the word "butthole" or "piss" or "suck".  The tables have turned, my friends.
10. When Mr. Handsome and I go out on a date we usually veto a movie or activity after dinner because we're both too bloated and tired to move.  And yet we're still crazy about each other!  Go figure!
11. I realize and am grateful more and more everyday for how amazing my own parents were and are.  Crow never tasted so good!
12. I would rather watch Little House on the Prairie or Brady Bunch than almost anything else on TV.  Am I the only one who thinks TV is super trashy?  (When I start watching Matlock or Lawrence Welk, please commit me.)
13. I prefer slip on shoes and am seriously considering ones that Velcro.
14. I think cooking and sewing are cool.  In fact, I started crocheting a dish scrubber that needs to be finished.  And yes, I'm very aware that they can be bought at the Dollar Store rather than made by hand.
15. I pluck my facial hair more often than I shave my legs.
16. I have to pee frequently but am mostly just pleased when I make it to the toilet in time.  (At what age do they recommend a bladder sling?)
17. I wear the same 3 outfits weekly.  One of which I wear solely due to comfort not fashion.  The zipper is broken and I still insist that I will wear it forever.  This outfit is so routine in my life it is referred to by Mr. Handsome as "the blue man suit".  You know it's bad when you name your outfits.  (Is this how "mom jeans" got started?  Women cared more about comfort than fashion?  Help me!)

The list could seriously go on and on.  I'm full of maturity and the signs and symptoms to prove it.  I think the biggest sign that I'm "mature" is that I really like who I am and where I am in my life.  My life might be nerdy and far from glamorous, but I'm more content and happy with myself than I ever was when I was 20 and perky in all the right places.  Getting older isn't so bad.  Although I will say that the maturity that comes with parenthood is very bitter sweet.  I'm still scarred from my own Maturation Program when I was 10 and the red head from "Annie" told me about my own "red headed friend".  Now I'm experiencing it with my own daughter.  Ahhhhh....this is the good life!  

So here's to maturity and aging.  Embrace it.  Hemorrhoids or not, it's all worth it!  So enjoy the ride! 

The Tie Breaker

Two girls.  Two boys.  New baby on the way.  If it's a boy, the girls will be mad.  If it's a girl, the boys will be mad.  Hmmmmm....and yet they all want to know. 

So what is the tie breaking vote?

And, yes, there were tears because according to one little boy, "All sisters do is boss me around!".  But bossing or no bossing, we are excited just the same.  Bring on the pink!  It's been a long time!