Birthday Wishes

Yesterday it was the birthday of one of my favorite people.  I'll call her Charlie.  Yes, it's true that in the past several years we've lost touch to some extent.  However, she is one of my oldest friends and has contributed to some of my most lasting memories.  Each year at this time no matter how long it's been since I've talked to her last, I think of her often.  She grew up just up the street from me so we played regularly.  She is also my first cousin which was a bonus.  How great is that?  Best friend and relative?  Just plain rad!  And our birthdays are only a week apart which from day one I always found totally awesome.  Since her birthday is right after Thanksgiving we often went to see the Nutcracker Ballet.  The first few times I'm sure we were just enthralled with the lights, music, dancing and sparkly tutus, but it didn't take long for us to outgrow that.  Soon we just giggled about boys in tights and the "potato" in their pants.  From that year on whenever we visited the Nutcracker Ballet it wasn't so much a magical fairytale but rather rosy cheeks and laughter due to the "produce" on display.  Now as a mother, my children go to the Nutcracker with Nana and their cousin each year after Thanksgiving and come home in awe of the production but also blushing and giggling about the boys in tights.  How great it is to see the next generation enjoying the same memories that my cousin and I do.

Charlie always had the coolest toys.  She had the complete Care Bears Care-a-lot world with more gadgets and pieces than I can remember.  I loved the little cloud cars the most.  She also owned the castle and action figures to Heman and Shera.  Wow!  It still blows my mind just to think about it.  "Masters of the Universe!"  And best of all, she always had a healthy stock of Lip Smackers.  I vividly remember standing in the kitchen at her house one day and eating a whole tube of Orange Lip Smackers.  It was pretty much delicious not to mention somewhat nutritional.  "Nutritional?" you ask.  Well, it was orange which I'm pretty sure fits into one of the food groups.  My lips were soft for a week.  One year for Christmas we both asked for BB guns and miraculously we both got them.  I don't know how many times we heard, "you'll shoot your eye out!" from the classic Christmas Story movie.  And although neither of us ever got hurt by our trusty Red Riders, there were many an aluminum can or robin that didn't stand a chance against our marksmanship.

Whether car pooling to school, doing the Burrito Dance together at Christmastime, fighting at Girls' Camp, spending a summer together on crutches, playing Mario Brothers, making burnt spaghetti (how is that possible you ask?), or riding bikes, I love you, Charlie.  You are one of the funniest people I know and I hope you had a wonderful birthday full of Lip Smackers and wholesome Nutcracker entertainment. 

Happy Birthday!

Target 2‐Day Sale: Tip #5: Draft to the Doorbusters

I conquered my first Black Friday this year and was also told on two separate occasions last week that I resemble and act like the Target Holiday lady. Hmmmmm.....  Not sure what that means.  But I did do some serious drafting into the DVD display at Walmart on Friday.  Holla!

Why I'm Thankful

My little soon-to-be six-year-old son came home from school the other day so excited he could hardly stand it.  He had a surprise!  And bless his little heart, his surprise was a candy dish he had made, which he asked me to immediately fill with treats.  As I looked at his little creation, permanently imprinted with his chubby little finger prints, I realized that it's moments like this that I'm truly grateful for.  I mean, in all honesty, I'm grateful for a lot of things.  I'm grateful for indoor plumbing and heating.  I'm grateful for toilet paper and shoe laces.  I'm grateful for elastics in my underwear.  I'm grateful for modern medicine, freedom, and people that fight to protect it.  I'm grateful for RedBox, Mt. Dew, and chocolate.  I'm grateful for band-aids.  I'm grateful for Clorox wipes.  I'm grateful for #12 "The Beach" at Jimmy Johns.  I'm grateful for Febreeze and smelly candles that make my life bearable on especially stinky days.  I'm grateful for ice cream.  I'm grateful for razors, deodorant and bras and people that use them.  I'm grateful for music and Ipods and dance parties in the kitchen.  I'm grateful for sleep.  I'm grateful for religion and the freedom to worship however we choose.  I'm grateful for good health.  I'm grateful for incredible neighbors, friends, and family members.  The list goes on and on and on and on......and on.  I'm sure other people feel much like I do and find joy in not only the large celebrations of life but also the sweet little moments that really make us truly happy.  Today I am most grateful for a homemade candy dish big enough to hold only 3 midgee Tootsie Rolls and even more grateful for the little hands that made it.  I'm grateful for 3 more sets of little hands that make my life more entertaining, fun, unpredictable and worthwhile than I ever thought possible.  I am also thankful for a tall, dark Mr. Handsome that gave me four little monkies and who makes me laugh everyday during the 10 o'clock news.  Who knew the news could be so entertaining?  He is the funniest man I know.  So in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I find myself unbelievably thankful.  I hope we can all find plenty to celebrate and be thankful for as we endure even the simple mundane moments of life.

Happy Thanksgiving!  

In the Spirit of Thanksgiving

Pet Peeve

Seriously, tooth paste maker people!  Help a sista out!  This is ridiculous!  I can't seem to change the little people who make these messes on a daily basis, so instead, I'm gonna request that you change your form of toothpaste distribution.  There's gotta be a better, cleaner, make a mom happier way.  Ahhhhhhh!!!!

Dear Puberty

Dear Puberty,

Why are you bothering me?  I'm pretty sure I kicked you to the curb 15 years ago (cough, cough....okay....maybe 8 years ago).  People of my maturity should not be pestered by acne of this severity.  Why...oh why must you torture me?  As if the first go 'round wasn't painful and humiliating enough.  You could argue that I'm married.  What does it matter if I'm covered in zittage?  You could also argue that I must not have a life, any self respect or remaining dignity since a husband and four children are at home waiting for me.  Is that what you think?  If so, you are sorely mistaken.  I may not have much of a life, but what little of it is left I'm holding onto with a white-knuckle grip.  For the record, I have more self respect today then I did during my first encounter with you and your plague of puberty triggered facial diseases.  And as for dignity....okay...you've got me there.  I lost all but a shred of that during four pregnancies and birthing four children and exposing myself to the world.  I still loathe the human being that invented stirrups.  Can't you see that I've suffered enough?  Please, please, please leave me alone and take your facial oil and scarring sores with you.  Today at the store the lady at the checkout counter couldn't seem to find my eyes on my face.  All she looked at was my "growth".  I wonder if this is how women with big boobs feel.  Nobody looks you in the eye anymore.  My kids look at my face inspecting my over sized pimples with expressions of concern.  Like a car wreck you try to look away but you just can't.  I should put myself out of this misery and squeeze my shoulders.  I'm curious to see if that alone would solve all my worries.  What you are doing to me is disgusting.  And whether or not this is inappropriate to publicly admit this, it is my life.  It is true.  Puberty you are evil.  Enjoy your 60 seconds of blog fame and go torment the high school kids.  Leave me alone!

Sincerely,

Me

Lazy....and I Can't Blame 'Em

Me:  Hey, do you wanna play winter basketball this year?

Ranger: Ahhhh, man!  Why do I have to decide right now? (whining)

Me: Well, first of all I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but sign ups are right now.  Games won't start til after Christmas.

Ranger: Ahhhh....why do they make you decide so early!  (sigh of disgust)

Me: (Wow!  And here I thought he'd be excited.)  You don't have decide right this second.  Just in the next couple of days.

Ranger: Ahhhhhh!  Why?!

Me: Fine.  If it's causing you that much inner turmoil then clearly you're not ready to play.  We'll skip this year and you can decide next year.

Ranger: Well, I don't know if I wanna play or not. 

Me: Why not? 

Ranger: I just don't know.

Me: Would it help if you played on a team with your sister or with your friends?

Ranger: I just really hate basketball cuz you have to run so much.  I don't like sports that you have to run.  And I really don't like bouncing the ball.

Me: Okay then.  If you don't like bouncing a ball and you don't like running then basketball probably isn't the sport for you.  How about football?

Ranger: Nope.  Too much running.

Me: Baseball?

Ranger: Hmmmm...well I really like to hit the ball but I hate to run around the bases.

Me: Soccer?

Ranger: Well, at least it doesn't have as much running as basketball. 

Me: (WTH?)  Wrestling?

Ranger: Well, what do you do?

Me: Wrestle other boys to the ground and put them in headlocks and stuff.  (short demonstration)

Ranger: Ummmm....what do you have to wear?

Me: A leotard.

Ranger:  (mortified expression...scared eyes...mouth open...speechless...dumbfounded)

Me: (Dang!  I lost him at leotard!  Screw it.  He can be a musician.)

What I Learned In Denver

Last week I had the chance to go to Denver, Colorado for a conference.  There were three other amazing chickas that went with me and we had a blast.  We drove 8 hours each way and laughed our heads off.  Seeing how this was my first trip to Denver, this is what I learned.

1. The drive through Wyoming and parts of Colorado are agonizingly boring.  Nothing to look at but sagebrush and antelope.  Lame.

2. Our theme for the trip came straight from one of the best movies of all time, "Dumb and Dumber", when they said, "that John Denver is full of .....!"  True dat.  Colorado is not nearly what I imagined.  I thought there would be more mountains and stuff.  Nope.  Lame again.

3. People in Denver are rad.  They either have very poor vision or know how to flatter a gal cuz at one stop there was a comment that, "you don't look 10 years older than her".  Oh shucks!  I didn't have the heart to tell them that I had a husband and four little ones waiting for me at home.  Just enjoy the moment.  I'm cool with their insanity.

4. Watching someone else get their eyebrows waxed could possibly be the most hilarious thing I've ever seen.  The screams and body jerks of pain were nothing short of side-splitting laughter for those of us not being tortured.

5. Traveling takes it's toll on the digestive tract.  No lie. 

6. Saying goodbye to regular life tends to bring out the kid in everyone.  No worries.  No stress.  Just prank calls and ice cream.

7. There is a reason that hotel gyms have towels available in the gym.  Who wants to use a swassy bicycle?  You're welcome.

8. When hosting a business conference there should always be a keynote speaker addressing the dos and don'ts of business casual attire.  Up dos are for prom, not the work place.  Just because you're wearing a purple blouse does not mean purple shorts look good with it.  And slacks should always be bought in long sizes or unhemmed for good measure.  Floods with high heels are not okay even if your socks match.

9. Boxes of tissue should always be available for conference goers, especially for those who like to have a good time.  Giggles are hard to control when you're using your shirt to wipe the tears of laughter. 

10. They should never serve tuna fish at a conference luncheon.  It lingers.

11. Vegging in a hotel room with cool women equals watching a lot of Food Network, TLC, etc.  "Sister Wives", baby!

12. Thank you GPS!!!

13. Four women in a car for 8 hours.  Four women in a car for 8 hours who need to pee all the time.  Four women in a car who need to pee and there is nothing in sight but desert.  Who knows when the next rest stop will be?  Just pull over, throw caution to the wind, and pee on the side of the road.  Then get back in the car and start driving to discover a rest stop less than 2 miles from where you were just squatting.

14. Hobby Lobby is cool no matter where you live and no matter where you visit.  My husband would say, "You drove all the way to Denver to shop at Hobby Lobby when we have one 10 minutes from home?"  Yup!

15. Having an individual in your car for 8 hours who is backed up and has extremely bad gas is just torture for all.  My eyes are watering just thinking about it.  Good thing we all love you.

16. My kids did just fine without me home.  My husband is amazing, as is my MIL and mother, and whether or not the girl's hair looked good or the boys had on undies doesn't matter.  They all survived. 

17. Road trip + good company + good tunes = Priceless dance parties in the car!

18. It's always good to be home.

Bye-Bye Halloween

As I was reminiscing about the best and worst costumes of my Halloween career, it didn't take long to focus on the costume that is forever etched in my brain.  It was a year of nerdiness and eternal scarring to my ego.  If only I could have dressed up as a pirate, a mummy, a witch, or even a dog that year.  To this day I don't know what is worse.  The year that my parents dressed me up like Mozart.....

Take note of my mother's Isotoner gloves that I'm wearing.  Nerd alert!  Nerd alert!

....or this year when I took my kids trick-or-treating to my mom's house to find her dressed up like Mozart.  It's pretty much a toss up.  And let's be honest---they're both embarrassing. 


This is her "dead" faced Mozart.  Just a side note.

Oh how I love you, Mom.  So weird.  So nerdy.  So cool.  I totally come by it naturally.