Too Much Skin

Having a teenage daughter is really kicking my trash.  I'm not sure if it's because she's so different than me or because I know how girls tick and it frightens me.  The drama....the hormones...the crazy!!!!  Holy moly!  And yet on the flip side there is a mini little girlfriend for me to talk to, goof off with, shop with, and do all of those girly things that men will never appreciate.

We've had our share of battles this past year.  First we started with the battle of the cell phone.  Then we jumped into the world of boyfriends.  My latest issue is the lack of summer clothing.  On that note it would be hypocritical for me to preach my brains out trying to persuade her to wear sweats and a turtleneck everyday.  Heaven knows I had my round of short shorts and tiny tanks.  But I would also argue that I have never been as well endowed as my gorgeous teenage daughter either.  (I like to think that I'm still going through puberty.  Someday my boobs with grow.)

Last Saturday  night my beautiful girl went out on the town with her friend.  They went to dinner and did a little shopping.  When she strolled in the house that night I was busy working at my computer so I didn't see her until later.  I had no idea that she had purchased some new treasures during her night out.  Today she came bounding up the stairs with a new tank top on.  I asked where she got it to which she replied Aeropostle.  It was a little baggy for my taste.  I was imagining what would happen if she bent over to pick something up.  I was certain that the tank top would offer a straight shot down to her bellybutton for any passers by.  But I just nodded and asked if she'd bought anything else.  She said she'd bought some shorts.  Lil G then leaned over and explained that the new shorts were waaaaaayyyy too short.  I told the little sister to mind her own business.  I then asked Ms. Hall Monitor if I could see her new shorts.  She reluctantly headed downstairs with me closely behind.  As we neared her bedroom I could see her hesitance.  Then as she reached for the closet door she turned and said, "They're longer on than they look."

And there's my sign!

"They're longer on than they look."

I picked up the shorts and read the tag.  The tag said, "2 1/2 inch inseam".  What?!  2 1/2 inches?!!!  That's it?!  Heck ya they better be longer on than they look!  Either that or we're gonna have a lot more of a show than what's hiding under that tank top!  

Heaven help me!

A Little Turd

Teeny Sister pooped in the tub the other night.  I'm pretty confident that it was more of a shart.  But either way it grossed me out.  And then, of course due to my demented brain, it made me think.  What is the correct process to attack this little turd?  Do I immediately remove my daughter from the contaminated poo water?  Or do I lather her up, rinse her off, and then take her from the tub and deal with the mess at that point?  If I take her out now then I obviously will have to drain the water, clean the tub, Clorox the tub, refill the tub, and re-bath my baby.  Right?  So confusing!  And so many options!  And what part of pooping in the tub did she think was a good idea in the first place?  It's not natural!!!  (Is it?)  Five children and this is the first child that has pooped in the tub.  I'll consider myself lucky I guess.  And I will refrain from sharing how I chose to address the situation.  But all in all it worked out.  Teeny Sister got clean.  And the little shart got resolved.  Mission accomplished!  Back in the running for Mother of the Year.

Party For One

Yesterday I made my regular drive down to the local Maverick to buy myself a Mt. Dew.  Teeny Sister and I were having ourselves a nice little dance party in the van as we made the 1 mile drive.  In fact, I was quite enjoying myself.  And the fact that Teeny Sister was laughing at me just egged me on.  By the time we reached the gas station I got out of my car only to discover that the back of the van was open.  

What the...???????

Wait a minute....

Was that open before I got here?  I didn't drive here with that open did I?  Maybe I accidentally hit the button on the key chain when I pulled in.  Hmph....

As I was unbuckling Teeny Sister from her car seat I dropped my Maverick cup in a puddle of water in the parking lot.  Doh!  So I picked it up only to drop it again!  Crap!  This time it rolled under the van.  No worries.  I can figure this out.  And sure enough I did.  With the cup in one hand and my little sidekick in the other arm we headed into the store.  

After filling my cup with ice cold deliciousness I remembered that we were out of garbage bags and had been for a few days.  I grabbed an overpriced box of Glad garbage bags and went to pay for my goods.  I then retreated to the parking lot and loaded Teeny Sister into the van only to discover that she was only wearing one shoe.  Dang it!  Where did we lose it?  I unbuckled my sweet baby girl and we headed back into the store to look for her shoe, which we found and laughed about as we awkwardly made our way back to our van....again.

When we returned home I quickly cleaned the garbage can with what I consider one of the best inventions of all time....Clorox Wipes.  Teeny Sister and I then proceeded to play one of my favorite games, "Find That Smell".  The house reeked of dirty dishes from the kids baking the day before, a dirty garbage can, and poopy diapers.  But what exactly was causing the most stink was a mystery.  I cleaned the kitchen, did the dishes, and even started baking to cover up the stink.  It took a while, but eventually I succeeded.  

Smell found and conquered!

Then there was a new smell.  A fresh smell.  A little person not potty trained smell.  And so, I attacked.  I conquered again.  And then I reached for the Febreeze.  But while doing so, Teeny Sister took the poopy diaper that I had just set aside to take outside and she ran with it.  And she hid it.  Ugh!  Back to playing "Find That Smell"!

My day continued much as it had started.  I was a circus.  A party for one some might say.  And, yes, I was enjoying every minute of it.  I was laughing.  I was cussing.  I was happy.  And as I laid in bed last night thinking about what a day in the life of me consists of, I smiled.  Because although my days might be messy and stinky and embarrassing, my life is all of those things because of the people I share it with.  Yes, the dance parties and van door being open and many other unintentional mishaps might be self inflicted.  But the rest of it.....it's just imperfectly perfect.  

Forgotten

I went to town yesterday to get garbage bags.  

I came home 2 stores later with everything but garbage bags.  

Argh!

I Swore I'd Never

I did something this weekend that I'm not proud of.  In fact, it's something that I swore I would never do.  But the stress & temptation got the better of me and I will be begging for my daughter's forgiveness for the rest of my life. 

Yes.  I put her on a leash.  

Don't judge me.

Off To A Good Start

Christmas vacation with the kids home from school has been a blast!  It was very bitter sweet sending them off today and trying to get back into the swing of our "normal" life.  For the past week we've eaten junk food, stayed up late, slept in, and become zombies of technology with new phones, Ipods, and tablets.  As the responsible adult that I am in our home, I figured it was just temporary, so....enjoy! 

After a late night party full of junk food and soda on New Year's Eve, not only did Teeny Sister keep me up all night because she had a belly ache, but the much bigger sister, Lil G was up once again with one of her infamous stomach aches.  And let me explain that when Lil G is tired and complaining of something during the middle of the night she is not rationale but rather a total lunatic.  It is awful!  I, again being the responsible and compassionate mother that I am, faked asleep during round 1 of Lil G's tummy aches.  Handsome, however, was wide awake.  This is the conversation I overheard.

Lil G: Dad, my stomach hurts.  I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

Handsome: It's because you ate too much junk food.  G, go to sleep.

Lil G: Dad, I can't! (holding her belly)

Handsome: Well, you can either go to sleep and tough it out or I can punch you in the stomach and make you throw up so you can get it over with.  

Lil G: DAAAAAAD!  Can't I just sleep with you?

Handsome:  No.

Lil G: Why not?

Handsome: Because. 

Lil G: But it makes me feel better to sleep with you.  I don't wanna sleep downstairs.

Handsome: Too bad.  Go to bed.  

Lil G: Whhhhhhyyyyy?  Please?

Hansome: No.  It's not going to fix anything.  Come here and let me punch ya in the stomach.  You'll feel better once you throw up.

Lil G: Ugh! (stomping her foot)  

After G left the room I busted up laughing.  Handsome turned and started chuckling too.  I said, "So that is your solution?  Good parenting!"  We both laughed.  He, of course, would never hit her.  But we both knew that she wouldn't throw up either.  We know this because we play this game regularly.  It's not our first rodeo with Lil G!  Once Handsome fell asleep, Lil G started visiting my side of the bed for rounds 2, 3, and 4.  I took a more sensitive approach and didn't offer her a beating to initiate the upchuck of soda and candy that she had inhaled all night.  But I did not let her sleep in my bed either.   I knew, after years of experience, that she was half asleep and arguing with her would do nothing.  My strategy was to wear her down.  It was obvious that she was exhausted and would eventually fall asleep with or without a belly ache.  And she did.  

I'm not sure what your New Year's Resolutions are.  I'm not sure what mine are either.  That's my plan for this week is to put some together.  But to start the early hours of the new year off by listening to the above conversation not only gave me the resolve to be more patient and a better mother, but it also reminded me how grateful I am for Handsome and his twisted since of humor.  He makes me laugh everyday and I look forward to that in the upcoming year.