Does it Bubble?

Our house is full of questions and curiosity on a normal day.  But since the announcement of a new baby coming to join the crew, you can imagine the wheels have been turning in the heads of my four little monkeys.  My girls have already had the pleasure of learning about the birds and the bees, which makes their questions a little harder to answer because they are more in depth.  Let's just say that since the day that our "girl's day" turned into that marvelous embarrassing discussion about the wonders of procreation, I have officially become "that mom".  You know.  The yucky old mom that does "that" with dad.  I know this from first hand experience because that's exactly how I thought of my parents growing up.  But since having a child is so miraculous and special, and knowing that this will be the last time I experience this journey, I try to be honest with the kiddos and let them be a part of it as much as I feel is appropriate.  But after months of inquisitions and questions and rumors, let me share the oddest question I have ever been asked about pregnancy.  The conversation went something like this.

Lil G: Mom, do you make bubbles when you pee?

Me: (laughing)  What? 

Lil G: Does it bubble when you pee?

Me: Why?

Lil G: Cuz if it bubbles when you pee, the baby will be a boy.

Me: (laughing harder) Where did you hear that?

Lil G: Well that's what Hall Monitor said.  And that's what my friend told me.

Hall Monitor: Nuh uh!!!! (liar liar pants on fire)

Lil G: (turning to her sister) Yes you did say that!  (then to me)  So, is it true? 

Me:  No, it's not true.  You can't tell if the baby is a boy or girl by whether your pee bubbles.

Lil G: So does your pee bubble?

Ya know, I've never paid much attention to my urine.  In fact, I've never been curious enough or even thought to watch and see if it bubbles as it splashes in the toilet water.  I'll admit I tried it after this conversation.  But that's neither here nor there.  And whether it bubbled or not is irrelevant.  However, I'm confident that I've got a lifetime of uncomfortable questions to answer ahead of me, especially with Lil G in my life.  As for the sex of our unborn baby....well....that is still to be determined by a trusty reliable ultrasound, not my bodily functions.

Nice Rack

Pregnancy #5.  Wowza!  Who ever thought?!  Not me.  In fact, it's safe to say that most people who know me were shocked and concerned when I was entrusted with 1 child to raise let alone 5.  Am I right?  (don't answer that)  Putting those thoughts aside,  I want to touch on this crazy emotional roller coaster called Pregnancy.  I thought the first 4 pregnancies were rough on my body.  Nope.  It continues to get worse.  And, yes, age magnifies everything bad about pregnancy.  God bless those women who have 8 and 10 kids and do it well into their 40's.  There is no amount of medication, alcohol, or even Mt. Dew on this earth that could balance my emotions and increase my mental stamina to accomplish such a task. 

(Side note: Mt. Dew is out.  Cherry Coke is in.  I agree it is a slightly odd choice to replace the master.  But the baby and nausea have spoken.)

I should clear up a few things.  First of all, I really don't mind being pregnant for the most part.  The bottom line for me is I really love my kids and love being a mom.  And I love babies!  Always have.  Pregnancy is worth all the poop and spit up and sleepless nights and even potty training.  And although I have joked and teased about being unsure about maturing from "Mother of 4" to "Mother of 5", I wouldn't change it.  Yes, I feel inadequate.  No, I was not planning on having a fifth child.  Yes, my life is chaotic and undetermined on a daily basis.  No, I do not wish that this didn't happen.  Yes, I am still in denial about why I'm getting chubbier by the minute.  No, I am not in a hurry to get this baby out of me.  Do all of these things make me a bad woman or mother?  I sure hope not.  Because like I said, as much as this chapter of my life terrifies me, it also brings me great joy. 

Funny story.  I was at church on Sunday playing the organ.  Yes.  I play the organ.  No.  I'm not good at it.  And yes, it makes me feel drop dead sexy to play three different keyboards at one time, especially since when I think of the organ at church, I think of Sister Dupree, who played the organ beautifully when I was a child, but didn't exactly make the organ an attractive instrument.  Hmmmmm....Maybe that's how I ended up pregnant!  Handsome does enjoy my organ playing!  (Food for thought.) 

Anyhow, after I wrapped up my organ postlude and began my short walk down the hallway to Sunday School, I was stopped by a middle aged lady, who I find quite fantastic and hilarious.  However, I was totally caught off guard by what she said to me at that moment. 

Lady:  Ya know, you've got some pretty great maternity boobs right now!

Me: (laughing)  I know, right?!

Lady: I couldn't help but notice while you were playing the organ.  They're not bad.  I remember those days. 

Me:  What?!  That's what you were looking at while I was playing the organ?  Sad that they won't last long isn't it?  Too bad I can't have them when I can actually flaunt them.

Lady:  Yup.  Enjoy them while you can. (while lifting her arm and shaking her underarm)  These are mine now.  They fell into my armpits.

Ladies, pregnancy is mean and horrible to our bodies.  It's just the way it is.  And, yes, at moments, like I had on Sunday, the only attractive thing about it is my swollen porn star boobs.  But it's totally worth it.  And although my boobs will shrink by unmeasurable amounts somewhere between Baby #5's birth and his/her 6 month birthday, I shall no longer complain until they slide permanently into my armpits and connect to my underarm fat. 

And until then, I will look drop dead sexy playing the organ.