Run Forest Run

I ran too far away from home yesterday and couldn't make it back. 

The morning started lovely.  I was surprisingly spry for 6:30 a.m.  The weather was perfect.  Not too hot.  Not too cold.  My Ipod was charged.  Earphones snug.  And off I went into the unknown. 

About 6.5 miles later I was tired.  Not just a little tired.  Really tired.  Dizzy tired.  I couldn't figure it out.  I had been running pretty regularly for several weeks and had done more than 6.5 miles only a week ago.  Buck up, soldier, I said.  So I put on a strong face and continued.  But that only lasted until the next telephone pole arrived and at that point I stopped.  Shakey.  Sore.  Fatigued.  Pissed off.  How do I get home now?  I don't want to run.  My right hip feels like it's out of socket.  My butt is sore and reeling from rigorous bouncing.  I can feel my 2nd toenail holding on for dear life.  Why?  Why do I even try to run?  I don't enjoy it.  In fact I nearly hate it.  Despise it almost.  Since when does my body not react like it did when I was 15?  It's so sad because I feel and act like I'm 15.  Why can't my mind and my body get on the same page already?  Dang you mind and body!  But I'm not getting home standing still.  So I started walking.  I walked, and I walked, and I walked.  Just like the pioneers only wearing better shoes.  I could see my house across the river.  If I cut straight through it was only a mile.  But the road wouldn't conform.  It had to wind and twist making my journey farther and more painful.  My cell phone was in my pocket.  I could easily call Handsome.  He was surely home getting ready for work & would come to the rescue.  But, no.  He would laugh at me.  I would be "the girl who ran too far away from home and couldn't make it back".  Ha-ha.  Funny joke.  Nope.  Definitely not calling.  I still had my pride at that point.  But then I realized what time it was.  The bus would be coming to pick the kids up for school in 30 minutes.  Crap!  So I took one for the team and started running.  I guess you can call it that.  It was maybe more of a quickened shuffle.  Before long a string of road bikes came flying by.  Suckers.  They think they're so fast with their wheels & pedals & spandex.  I wish I had wheels right now.  About a mile from my house a familiar truck pulled up.  Handsome!  He was on his way to work and came looking for me since I hadn't come home.  As much as I wanted to beg for a ride home my ego wouldn't let me do it.  He asked if I was okay.  I said, yes.  Then he started to turn around.  What were you thinking?!  Moron!  Ask him for a ride already!  Who runs too far from home and then passes up a ride?  Nope.  I won't do it.  I will make it home.  I'm not that girl.  Then Handsome rolled down his window and asked if I wanted a ride home.  YES!!!  I almost cried I was so relieved.  Pride shmride.  Who needs it?  I slowly pulled myself up into the truck and was home within seconds.  Seconds!  Wow!  And to think it would've taken me much longer to achieve that distance.  Hallelujah!  Thank you, Handsome! 

And yes, I am that girl.

Sweet Revenge

We took our family to our first baseball game of the season last Saturday.  It was cold outside and the wind was blowing miserably.  Huddled out in right field, Handsome and I were layered in hoodies and wrapped in quilts while the kids were off playing on the playground in shorts and t-shirts.  Whatevs.  We're good parents.

As the two of us sat there shivering and watching the game, a couple came and sat diagonally in front of us to our right, not to mention upwind.  Before long the couple started  to smoke.  Yes, we were enjoying face fulls of cigarette smoke.  Mmmmmm.  And so the cycle continued.  The wind blew.  They smoked.  We shivered.  We choked.  Wind.  Smoke.  Cough.  Repeat.  No worries.  Who needs manners and consideration?  Not me.  This solves the dilemma of my gas induced stomachache.  Next game I'll be sure to sit upwind from them and see how they like it.  It's the perfect combination of relieving my gut ache and getting revenge.  I wonder if they're aware of the deadly combination of a concession stand hot dog & a Mt. Dew.  ?  (maniacal laughter....hahahaha) 

Until next time, Mr. and Mrs. Smokey Smokerton.  Two can play at this game.

Crow Sandwich with a Side Dish of Crow

There are some things that I never thought I would shop for, buy, or ever do in all my life.  In fact, I may or may not have sworn publicly to some of those things I would never do.  For one I swore I would never let myself go after having children.  Oops.  I also promised that I would never wear mom jeans or embarrass my monkies.  But when mowing the lawn or on laundry days....ya know....and sometimes the embarrassing just comes so naturally.  I'm pretty sure I vowed to never hide Kleenex in my sleeve, sock, or bra.  Now I never leave the house without a couple stashed somewhere.  I know I never intended to drive a mini van.  But they're so practical.  I just can't say enough about those door buttons!  I remember making a secret pact that when I was a parent I would never yell demands and orders and then reply after being asked "why?" with a stern, hands on hips "because I said so, that's why".  Wow.  I swore that my children would never have snot running down their faces, messy hair, mismatched clothes, and they would never pick their nose and never ever eat it.  Yup.  You go naive super mom!  In what world does that happen?  I was confident when I saw a screaming child rolling on the floor at the grocery store that, "my child will never act like that".  But then again, after all that "cross my heart and hope to die" crap and then the loads of crow that I've eaten since, it shouldn't have shocked me when I found myself at Pet Smart on aisle 5 eating a super sized helping of delicious crow while pondering the pros and cons of different doggy diapers. 

It's just so unnatural.

But, mmmmmm, this crow is so tastey.  It tastes a lot like the crow I ate when I swore we wouldn't get another dog and then when we did I refused to take care of it.

Mmmmmm...another helping please.  Soooo good.

And I will never say never again.

(Wait a minute....)