I Don't Need to Pray

I transferred my collegiate path to Brigham Young University Idaho (BYUI) about a year ago. This choice was by far the best choice financially, and that was my top priority. Earn an education without going into debt. Check and check. Because BYUI is owned by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I quickly realized that online gatherings were different than those I had become accustomed to. For instance, an opening and closing prayer is said at the beginning and end of each live online class. So, I would sit in my bed, wearing my Comfy, AirPods in, praying with my classmates, feeling very annoyed. I wasn't in college for religion! I went to church on Sunday for that! I did not have time for this! Move aside prayer and get on with it. Because our assigned groups consisted of students from all over the world, it was difficult finding a common time when all participants, from various time zones, could be present. Twice, on the same day, I had meetings scheduled via Zoom while I was at work. I hesitantly put a sign on my office door letting my workmates know I was busy, closed it, and logged into my meeting. Of course, the meeting officiator called on someone to say the prayer. I half-folded my arms, pretended to close my eyes, and squeamishly tolerated the prayer while watching my office door to make sure no one was outside. I had a window next to the office door so even with the door shut someone could easily look in and see me praying. That bothered me. The class went on, we said a closing prayer, and I logged out as quickly as possible. Hours passed and it was time for my second class meeting. Most of my colleagues had left for the day but there were still several people walking by my office. I again closed the door, hung a sign alerting people I was in a meeting, and logged in to Zoom. The whole time I was cussing in my mind, "This is so stupid. I don't need religion, I need an education. I don't need this." Just as I finished my selfish and prideful rant , I had a distinct thought, "You need this." I was still irritated. "No, I don't." After sixty minutes, the class adjourned with a closing prayer. I folded my arms, bowed my head, and asked myself what I would expect if my children were in my situation. I decided to actually close my eyes this time and listen to the prayer. The thought came again, "You need this." Like a palm to my forehead, it sunk in. I had been acting like a selfish child. I was proud. I was independent. I didn't want others to know my business. But, I need more prayer in my life, and Heavenly Father knows me well enough to know that I'm not going to go looking for it on my own. Stop complaining, keep praying, and get over yourself. You need this.