Ode To Clorox

Tis the season of the Uglies

And my house is full of littles

You clean up snack time messes

And even bathroom pittles.

Your wipes are just plain genius

For Uglies and much more

Especially when the Uglies

Splatter walls and on the floor.

The "splatter" of the Uglies

Seems to be the worst-est part

When the toilet seat's left down

And when the Uglies shart.

But let me show the Clorox love

Outside of Ugly season

Little boys that stand to pee

Earns respect for you and for good reason.

The love is deep within my heart

Year round despite the flu

Sniffles, snots and boogers

Just reaffirm how I love you.

And the choice of smell and color

Fresh or lemon scent

Oh, Clorox wipes, it's plain to see

You're truly heaven sent.

CAUTION! DO NOT MIX!

Sometimes two good things are even better when put together.  Diet Coke and pizza.  Ipod and running.  Amazon and free shipping.  Chocolate and cinnamon bears.  Chips and salsa.  Cheese and crackers.  Rain and a movie.  Grilled cheese and tomato soup.  Boogers and Kleenex.  Boys and Clorox wipes.  Music and dancing.  Dancing and me.     

However.....

 

Lip Smackers and dryers do not mix!  Both are good things.  Both are GREAT things.  Lip Smackers are a classic deliciousness for little girls and big girls the same.  A washer and dryer are somewhat magical except for the fact that they don't fold and put away the laundry after they clean it.  I'm not complaining.  It's still a far cry from a washboard and basin.  The problem is, the two joys of soft lips and dry clothes should not, under any circumstances, be put together.  If only my little darlings could understand that.  "Stop putting them in your pockets!!!"  I've made myself pretty clear if you ask me.  And then to add to that....

Yes.  Crayons and dryers.  Not good.  Not good at all.  One little blue crayon goes a long way when it melts.  Trust me.  Should you ever find yourself in such a predicament though, WD-40 is your new boyfriend.  He cleans crayon like nobody's business.  I huffed more than my share while de-blue-ing the inside of my dryer.  That was 8 years ago and I'm still buzzing.  But now our little family has evolved from Crayola to Lip Smackers.  Guess it comes with age.  I might as well embrace it.  I mean, there's nothing like sprucing up your wardrobe with a few grease spots. 

"No.  I'm not lactating.  It's a grease spot from chap stick.  Promise."

Books! We Don't Need No Stinkin' Books!

The other day I asked the kids to clean the toy room.  I threatened that if they didn't then I would!  Scary, I know.  Because when I clean I take a garbage bag with me and fill it with treasures to donate to the DI.  The monkies were mortified, but still not convinced that it was worth entering the dungeon where the toy room lies.  Then I added that if they didn't clean they wouldn't have room for the new toys they might get for Christmas.  Their eyes widened at the thought of new toys and they were off.  After about an hour of intense cleaning, the four of them came to announce, quite proudly, that they had filled 3 garbage bags with things they would be happy to donate to another child.  Cleaning wasn't so bad after all!  Why hadn't we thought of this sooner, Mom?  So silly!  During inspection of the 3 garbage bags and the toy room, I was surprised to find that they had done little more than empty all the books off the bookshelves into the bags.  The floor of the toy room is still littered with Matchbox cars, ponies, trucks and dolls of every size, shape and color.  Three bags of books!  Are you kidding me?  Heaven forbid we should part with the headless Barbie or the collection of Kids Meal toys.  However, I have to give them props.  They did do what I had asked them to do.  They just did it in a way that sufficed both me and them.  Brilliant little cusses!  Guess I'd better be more specific next time.  Doh!