Lazy....and I Can't Blame 'Em

Me:  Hey, do you wanna play winter basketball this year?

Ranger: Ahhhh, man!  Why do I have to decide right now? (whining)

Me: Well, first of all I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but sign ups are right now.  Games won't start til after Christmas.

Ranger: Ahhhh....why do they make you decide so early!  (sigh of disgust)

Me: (Wow!  And here I thought he'd be excited.)  You don't have decide right this second.  Just in the next couple of days.

Ranger: Ahhhhhh!  Why?!

Me: Fine.  If it's causing you that much inner turmoil then clearly you're not ready to play.  We'll skip this year and you can decide next year.

Ranger: Well, I don't know if I wanna play or not. 

Me: Why not? 

Ranger: I just don't know.

Me: Would it help if you played on a team with your sister or with your friends?

Ranger: I just really hate basketball cuz you have to run so much.  I don't like sports that you have to run.  And I really don't like bouncing the ball.

Me: Okay then.  If you don't like bouncing a ball and you don't like running then basketball probably isn't the sport for you.  How about football?

Ranger: Nope.  Too much running.

Me: Baseball?

Ranger: Hmmmm...well I really like to hit the ball but I hate to run around the bases.

Me: Soccer?

Ranger: Well, at least it doesn't have as much running as basketball. 

Me: (WTH?)  Wrestling?

Ranger: Well, what do you do?

Me: Wrestle other boys to the ground and put them in headlocks and stuff.  (short demonstration)

Ranger: Ummmm....what do you have to wear?

Me: A leotard.

Ranger:  (mortified expression...scared eyes...mouth open...speechless...dumbfounded)

Me: (Dang!  I lost him at leotard!  Screw it.  He can be a musician.)

What I Learned In Denver

Last week I had the chance to go to Denver, Colorado for a conference.  There were three other amazing chickas that went with me and we had a blast.  We drove 8 hours each way and laughed our heads off.  Seeing how this was my first trip to Denver, this is what I learned.

1. The drive through Wyoming and parts of Colorado are agonizingly boring.  Nothing to look at but sagebrush and antelope.  Lame.

2. Our theme for the trip came straight from one of the best movies of all time, "Dumb and Dumber", when they said, "that John Denver is full of .....!"  True dat.  Colorado is not nearly what I imagined.  I thought there would be more mountains and stuff.  Nope.  Lame again.

3. People in Denver are rad.  They either have very poor vision or know how to flatter a gal cuz at one stop there was a comment that, "you don't look 10 years older than her".  Oh shucks!  I didn't have the heart to tell them that I had a husband and four little ones waiting for me at home.  Just enjoy the moment.  I'm cool with their insanity.

4. Watching someone else get their eyebrows waxed could possibly be the most hilarious thing I've ever seen.  The screams and body jerks of pain were nothing short of side-splitting laughter for those of us not being tortured.

5. Traveling takes it's toll on the digestive tract.  No lie. 

6. Saying goodbye to regular life tends to bring out the kid in everyone.  No worries.  No stress.  Just prank calls and ice cream.

7. There is a reason that hotel gyms have towels available in the gym.  Who wants to use a swassy bicycle?  You're welcome.

8. When hosting a business conference there should always be a keynote speaker addressing the dos and don'ts of business casual attire.  Up dos are for prom, not the work place.  Just because you're wearing a purple blouse does not mean purple shorts look good with it.  And slacks should always be bought in long sizes or unhemmed for good measure.  Floods with high heels are not okay even if your socks match.

9. Boxes of tissue should always be available for conference goers, especially for those who like to have a good time.  Giggles are hard to control when you're using your shirt to wipe the tears of laughter. 

10. They should never serve tuna fish at a conference luncheon.  It lingers.

11. Vegging in a hotel room with cool women equals watching a lot of Food Network, TLC, etc.  "Sister Wives", baby!

12. Thank you GPS!!!

13. Four women in a car for 8 hours.  Four women in a car for 8 hours who need to pee all the time.  Four women in a car who need to pee and there is nothing in sight but desert.  Who knows when the next rest stop will be?  Just pull over, throw caution to the wind, and pee on the side of the road.  Then get back in the car and start driving to discover a rest stop less than 2 miles from where you were just squatting.

14. Hobby Lobby is cool no matter where you live and no matter where you visit.  My husband would say, "You drove all the way to Denver to shop at Hobby Lobby when we have one 10 minutes from home?"  Yup!

15. Having an individual in your car for 8 hours who is backed up and has extremely bad gas is just torture for all.  My eyes are watering just thinking about it.  Good thing we all love you.

16. My kids did just fine without me home.  My husband is amazing, as is my MIL and mother, and whether or not the girl's hair looked good or the boys had on undies doesn't matter.  They all survived. 

17. Road trip + good company + good tunes = Priceless dance parties in the car!

18. It's always good to be home.

Bye-Bye Halloween

As I was reminiscing about the best and worst costumes of my Halloween career, it didn't take long to focus on the costume that is forever etched in my brain.  It was a year of nerdiness and eternal scarring to my ego.  If only I could have dressed up as a pirate, a mummy, a witch, or even a dog that year.  To this day I don't know what is worse.  The year that my parents dressed me up like Mozart.....

Take note of my mother's Isotoner gloves that I'm wearing.  Nerd alert!  Nerd alert!

....or this year when I took my kids trick-or-treating to my mom's house to find her dressed up like Mozart.  It's pretty much a toss up.  And let's be honest---they're both embarrassing. 


This is her "dead" faced Mozart.  Just a side note.

Oh how I love you, Mom.  So weird.  So nerdy.  So cool.  I totally come by it naturally.