My Closet Is Broken

Have you ever washed and dried a favorite piece of laundry, or any piece of laundry for that matter, that comes out of the dryer considerably smaller than when it went in?  I have done this on more than one occasion.  In fact, it works out great for my 8-year-old daughter.  I can think of at least one sweater that fits her perfectly now due to my "malfunctioning" dryer.  Well, as if my dryer wasn't enough, my closet is obviously now broken.  And I can't figure it out.  I got up this morning, got the girls off to school, had breakfast, ran 3 miles on the treadmill and then got in the shower to clean up for the day.  When I got out of the shower, I went to my closet and set out a pair of jeans that I hadn't worn in a while, excited to revive them and make up for lost time, only to find out that they, much like my sweater, had shrunk.  I tugged and pulled at them.  I ran up and down the stairs a couple of times.  I squatted.  I stretched.  I turned and modeled in front of the mirror.  And strangely, after all my efforts, they were still very much sucking every crack and dimple on my buttocks and thighs.  I debated whether I should change or not.  I thought, "maybe they'll loosen up after a couple of hours," but what if they didn't?  I would be uncomfortable all day long and for what?  To prove that I could still squeeze my Mother of Four butt into these size nothing jeans?  I was kind of depressed, I won't lie.  Who wants to get off the treadmill, sore and out of breath, only to squeeze into a pair of jeans that have seen their last days on your body?  So, I concluded that I would say my good-byes and donate my old "skinny" jeans to the local thrift store.  I started patting down the pockets to make sure they were empty, and in the midst of my cussing and swearing and my damn broken closet that shrinks my clothes, I felt something.  Hidden in my jeans, begging for fogiveness, was a crisp $10 bill!  And as soon as I saw that green I didn't care so much about my pants being too tight.  I was already plotting on where I would go to lunch.  Goodbye jeans.  You're going away.  But "hello" Taco Time.  See ya for lunch!