Sorry Hank

There's a neighbor dog, Hank, that likes to visit us frequently and make nice with our two dogs.  The three of them are all the best of friends I'm sure.  So it's not unusual for me to walk outside and see Hank in my yard.  I'm okay with it.  But recently I walked outside and caught Hank dropping a load on my front lawn.  Not cool.  So I told him to leave.  He hesitantly started to stagger away.  But, no.  He didn't stop what he was doing before he began his exit.  He half squatting, half pooping, half running made his way awkwardly out of my yard.  It was so uncomfortable to watch that I felt kind of guilty for not waiting til after he was done with his business to shoo him.  Hank, I'm sorry that you pooped in my yard.  But Hank, I'm even more sorry that you had to run away and poop at the same time.  I can't begin to imagine how embarrassing and unpleasant that would be for any mammal.  Let's be friends.

Mommy Prom Dresses

Example B

Are you a mommy and in need of formal attire?  Yea, me neither.  But I have a friend who needs a fancy ensemble to wear to her husband's work party.  As she was telling me about this and how the last time she had shopped for a formal dress was for her wedding, I wondered what in the world I would wear if I was attending a fancy party.  Where do you even start?  I have no idea.  But then as she and I shopped at a couple of stores I was even more dumbfounded than before.  Finding an appropriate and cute mommy formal is ridiculous.  As far as I can tell, formal wear is broken down into two categories.  "Mother of the Bride" and "Look at my Boobs".  It's a lose lose situation fo sho!  So let me explain before you think I'm both crazy and a complete prude.



Example A



Example A (AKA "Look at my Boobs") : This may be fashionable for the younger generation of which I am no longer a member of, however, as a parent, there is no way my daughter would leave my house in a dress like this.  I know teenage boys all too well.  As for us 30-something-year-old mothers, this dress is fashion and social suidcide.  Let's be honest ladies.  After pregnancy and years of fighting Father Time, our body parts aren't everything or everywhere they use to be.  First of all I wouldn't be able to fill the breast cups of this dress, not today and not 15 years ago.  And secondly even if I could, the skirt screams, "Please don't drop ANYTHING!"  Why?  Well, duh!  Who wants to see Mommy of Four trying to pick something up off the floor in that tu-tu?  Ummmm....nobody with eyes and half a brain, that's who.  Trust me.  Not pretty.

Example B (AKA "Mother of the Bride) : If you own or have ever owned a dress that would be classified as "Mother of the Bride" don't be offended.  It's a beautiful classy looking dress.  My mother rocked this style at my very own wedding back in '99.  But that's the point.  She was my mother and I was getting married, hence, she was literally the mother of the bride.  And obviously she was older than 30 and had adult children.  It worked.  It was appropriate.  But I, like most 30-something's, do not have adult children, and by wearing a dress of this style I would be stamping an extra 20 years onto my already fragile appearance.  Why would I do that?  I'll be there someday.  Why rush the inevitable?

So what do you wear?    What should my cute very trendy 30-something-year-old friend wear?  It's quite a pickle the fashion industry has put us young mothers in.  I'm beginning to wonder if going through my high school formals isn't a half bad idea.  Cuz even if I had to starve myself for a week and pull out the Spanx, atleast I know my boobs would still fit.  At least one of my problems would be taken care of.       







Back in '94

Once upon a time, back in '94, I saved my brother from a falling trampoline and it landed on my head.

The End.

PS--So, in all honesty it was only the leg of the trampoline that fell on my head.  Not the whole blasted trampoline.  However, the trampoline was turned on it's side and the leg fell from the top.  What is that?  16 feet?  Either way, bet you don't know anyone else that had a trampoline fall on their head.

PPS--Lara, is that you in the background?  (wink, wink)