Another Day in the Life of ME!

I stopped at the Sinclair today to purchase an ice cold beverage and accidentally locked my keys in my car. 

No worries.  I'll call for help.

Nope.  My phone is also in my car.  (peeking through the windows)  Yep.  There it is sitting comfortably on the passenger seat.  Hmmmm....now what?

I'll go inside the gas station and ask to use the phone.  Wait a minute!  I don't know anyone's phone number!  They are all recorded in my phone!  Damn!  Stupid technology has made me soft and dependant!

Hmmmmm.....I know Handsome's number!  He'll come help me! 

I turned and walked into the gas station with $2.50 in change in my hand and asked the cashier if I could make a call.  I quickly explained my predicament.  She smiled and handed me the receiver.  I called Mr. Handsome, trying to predict what his reaction would be.  All I got was his voicemail.  I immediately called again.  Voicemail.  And again.  Voicemail.  The cashier looked at me as I redialed over and over and over.  I laughed and said, "I bet he's not picking up because he doesn't recognize the number."  She smiled and agreed. 

Finally I gave up. 

Slightly discouraged and without a plan, I figured if I was going to be stuck somewhere the least I could do was enjoy the ice cold beverage I had stopped for in the first place.  Mmmmmm....bubbly caffeinated deliciousness.  I helped myself to a 44 oz Dew and set it on the counter to pay for it.  The cashier looked at me and asked if I got ahold of someone.  I replied, no, but I'll just walk to my sister's house. 

And I was off.

Scene:  Morning.  About 9:30 AM.  Pregnant woman 33 weeks along walking down the street wearing a skirt and t-shirt and flip flops.  She walked with a slight right-sided limp due to a sore groin muscle and carried a 44 oz Mt. Dew in her left hand.

I walked just over a half mile.  People in their yards stared on.  I waved and sipped my Dew.  Cars drove by with questioning puzzled expressions.  I waved and walked on, sipping my Dew.  I kept thinking to myself, people sure are weird about me walking down the street.  I couldn't figure if it was my belly, my limp, or the ginormica drink that was causing all the attention.  At that point I was glad that I had decided not to buy donuts.  After all, I was quite hungry and had really wanted a snack.  But to add donuts to the picture would've really caused a stir.  Good thing I had thought twice about that!  Whoosh!  Embarrassing moment averted!

As I walked down the lane to my sister's house I heard a car coming up behind me.  I didn't bother turning to see who it was until it stopped right next to me.  It was Handsome.  I excitedly said, "You came!"  He smiled and shook his head with a "What the hell?!"  I laughed and asked, "How did you know?  Did you call the number on your phone?"  He said that he had and that the cashier at the Sinclair had answered and explained what had happened.  He asked her if I was still there to which she replied, "No.  She said she was walking to her sister's house."  At that point he pooped his pants a little, stopped what he was doing, and drove to my sister's house, only to find me at the end of her driveway.  He asked what my plan was.  I coolly explained that I had it all under control.  I was going to call a locksmith.  He might as well go back to work.  I was fine and would fix my own mess.  Then we both laughed and I kissed him and said, "I'm so sorry you're married to me!"  He laughed harder and drove away still shaking his head. 

My sister answered her front door to find me standing there with my Dew in hand.  She looked around wondering where my car was.  I told her the whole story.  She laughed hysterically.  Her husband joined in and asked, "Could you have gotten a bigger drink?"  We laughed some more until our stomachs hurt and we had tears in our eyes.  The only thing that would've made it more picture perfect would've been alcohol in my cup, a cigarette on my lip, and barefoot feet.  We laughed harder.

Then when I caught my breath from all the laughter, I asked for a snack. 

After all, I was famished.